Manuscript Rejected Repeatedly? Find a Fresh Eye to Review Submission Package
I want to let every rag-tag writer in on a secret: literary agents and editors are always looking for salable books. They make their living off salable books. Not only that, they often have new-book quotas they are required to meet each quarter.
So why not your book? Why is the submission coming back again and again with a sad little rejection letter attached? Is your book simply awful? Have you wasted all that time and paper thinking you would be the literary darling of 2007, only to discover you’re no Jodi Picoult, whose The Tenth Circle was #2 on The New York Times Book Review Best Sellers’ list last week or Greg Mortenson and David Oliver Relin, whose Three Cups of Tea was #14 on the list?
Krista Wilson jumped at the chance to get her submission reviewed by a fresh eye—mine—last week after I offered to review submissions. Remember, I didn’t judge the entire manuscript. I only looked at her cover letter, marketing plan, and a few first pages of her sample chapter. Here’s the cover letter she initially sent me.
Original Letter:
Dear Mr. XXXXX:
I am seeking representation for a novel I have completed, Path of the Butterfly, which tells the story of Josie Papillon, the product of a short yet passionate marriage between a worldly French chef and a redneck waitress from Buckshot, Alabama. Quick-witted and talented, Josie lacks focus and ambition. Despite having been her high school’s valedictorian, all she has done since graduation is make floral arrangements for minimum wage and sightsee with her father in whatever exciting city he calls home that year. But the summer she spends with him in San Francisco changes her life forever. There she meets Julian, a sexy, wisecracking waiter with an enviably independent spirit. As their relationship blossoms, her father’s health withers. When he dies, a distraught Josie finds there is no record of him, anywhere, until he enrolled in culinary school in Paris when he was twenty-six. Before that, apparently Albert Papillon did not exist. The history of her parents’ whirlwind courtship and doomed marriage unfolds in counterpoint to the story of Josie’s own emergence into adulthood.
Fans of Rebecca Wells may like this novel for the saucy southern humor among the cast of strong women. And readers of Barbara Kingsolver’s work may enjoy it as well, since nature imagery is lightly woven throughout the story, showing how human lives mirror cycles in the natural world.
Path of the Butterfly made semi-finalist in the Novel-in-Progress category in the Faulkner-Wisdom Writing Competition in New Orleans last year.
I am enclosing a synopsis and a sample chapter. Should you wish to read the entire manuscript, I have included an SASE for your reply. Thank you for your consideration.
Sincerely,
Good, yes? Krista sounds like the intelligent woman she is. The writing is fine, but are you desperate to get to the marketing plan and sample pages? Are you convinced her book will “deliver?” In fact, as Krista told me, the submission package with the original cover letter was rejected 20 times. Here is what we worked on together. I lost count of the email exchanges, but I made many comments in the margins of her cover letter. In her second version she made sure to
- Direct her letter to a real, live editor, not “Editor” in a publishing company.
- Let the reader know immediately that her manuscript had won an award to separate her from the pack.
- Compare her book to a successful book the editor had worked on that was similar to hers.
- Provide a synopsis of the book.
- Touch on some marketing ideas to show she “gets it,” that she’ll be the kind of author who helps with marketing.
Revised letter:
Dear Mr. XXXXX::
Last year my manuscript, Path of the Butterfly, was a semi-finalist in the Faulkner-Wisdom Writing Competition in New Orleans for Best Novel-In-Progress. I have since completed the manuscript and am seeking representation while working on my next novel. Having read [name of book of same genre], I found it to be divinely Southern: sad yet humorous, uplifting yet real. I would love the opportunity to work with someone who knows and appreciates Southern fiction as much as you clearly do. I think you will find that my novel is similar in several ways to [name of book of same genre]. Both novels parallel the growth of a mother and her daughter over time. Both stories are set in small southern towns full of familiar charm and dishy secrets. And both novels are written in a literary style, yet have mass-market commercial appeal.
Path of the Butterflytells the story of Josie Papillon, the product of a short yet passionate marriage between Pam McGuffey, a redneck waitress from Buckshot, Alabama and Albert Papillon, a worldly French chef twelve years her senior. A wonderful hybrid of her two worlds, Josie can guzzle beer and play a mean game of eight ball as well as she can critique fine Italian art—in fluent French. Despite her own artistic talents and her sharp intellect, her greatest flaw is “inaction.” She still holds the same job she had back in high school, has never been to college, and still lives at home. But every year she looks forward to spending the summer with her beloved Papa, in whatever exotic place he calls home that year.
The summer she spends with him in San Francisco changes her life forever. There she meets Julian, the sexy British waiter at her father’s restaurant who shares her talent with oils as well as her quick wit. As their summer fling progresses, her father’s health withers. When she says goodbye to her Papa at summer’s end, it is for the last time. That autumn, her now estranged Julian makes the trip to Buckshot to tell her in person that Albert has died. Then the worst happens. When a distraught Josie tries to find where the Papillon family is buried, so Albert can be laid to rest next to his parents, she finds that they never existed. In fact, there is no record of Albert Papillon, anywhere, until he enrolled in culinary school in Paris at age twenty-six.
Her own identity is so wrapped up in her father’s that Josie must find out who he really was and why he hid his past from her and her mother for all those years. She finds that she has an uncle she never knew, her father’s brother, and from him she discovers the sordid story of their life in a Hungarian circus, the tragic death of their mother during a performance, and a crime of passion in which Albert murdered his own father, a cruel man who was to blame for the accident that took their mother’s life. On the run ever since, Albert still managed to live his life to the absolute fullest. Unlike Josie, who, as her grandmother says, has been living “with her life on pause” long enough. A modern day Hamlet, Josie finally gets the courage to act, having been inspired by her father’s brave choices. She doesn’t exactly avenge a death or slay an evildoer, but finally, the reluctant hero “gets a life.”
Throughout the story, the whirlwind courtship and doomed marriage of her parents unfolds in counterpoint to Josie’s own emergence into adulthood, giving the reader clues along the way to Albert’s hidden life. The story is told with home-cooked southern humor and highbrow wit, as well as a literary touch; nature imagery is woven throughout the story, showing how human lives mirror cycles in the natural world. Fans of both Rebecca Wells and Barbara Kingsolver wouldn’t be disappointed by this lush read.
I have already begun working on marketing strategies, including an interview with ABC News in Washington, a signing in the Day Butterfly Center at Callaway Gardens (since it is mentioned in the story), an article in the local newspaper in Montgomery, Alabama (near the setting of the novel) to coincide with a signing at a local bookstore, and an article in Portico magazine in Birmingham with a recommendation from them on a local morning news program there in town. I also have been promised a book signing at Park Road Books in Charlotte, North Carolina, where one of the owners is president of SIBA. She has promised to help me promote this book shamelessly at conventions!
Should you wish to read Path of the Butterfly, I have included an SASE for your reply. Thank you for your consideration.
Sincerely
What do you think about the letters?
I sent Krista out to buy some beige or light gray stationery so that her submission would not only look and sound professional, but would also stand out from the crowd visually.
By the way, I was really touched by the gratitude of the writers/authors who emailed their “slush pile” submissions to me. Everyone was incredibly responsive to my suggestions and took action right away. I was pretty tough in my criticisms. I even asked one author “not to be mad at me,” and he replied that he wasn’t at all–just appreciative.
Find someone to give you a fresh perspective on your submission. You don’t want a line editor, but you do want someone who can recap your synopsis and tell you why, after reading your cover letter, he or she might want to read the book and what makes the book special. Choose a friend who likes and reads the genre you have written. If your friend can’t rave about your book idea, neither will an agent or editor. Make changes to your submission. Fresh eyes can make all the difference.
March 30th, 2006 at 2:04 pm
Good stuff, Lynne! And thanks for helping out an old friend of mine (I forwarded your call for marketing plans to her in the first place)! She is indeed a fine writer, and we look forward to selling her book one day!
Note from the Wicked Witch of Publishing: Thanks, Frazer, for the compliment and for sending me such an excellent writer with whom to work.
March 30th, 2006 at 2:35 pm
I can imagine how happy prospective authors were to have their query letter reviewed by someone in the industry. (Too bad I was out of town.)
I’d be curious what you think about the following essay regarding what fiction agents and editors are/aren’t looking for: http://www.lablit.com/article/83 . Hopefully, you’ll find it humorous, if nothing else.
Regards, James Aach
March 30th, 2006 at 5:51 pm
Hi, James!
Nice to hear from you again.
I went to your website and read your essay about why you cannot get a publisher for Rad Decision. It is time to rethink your approach. Here is an idea: Find a foundation or group interested in the nuclear power industry (pro or con or anarchistic!) who will commit to 2000 copies to sell or give to like-minded folks (perhaps as a “premium” for big donors.) With a commitment of 2000 pre-sold copies, you can walk into any publishing company or knock on any agent’s door and they will slap a contract on the desk and hand you a cheap Bic pen. This is a “special sale.” Whoever commits to it can also have a special cover and even place advertising within the book’s pages. Stop beating your proverbial head against the wall by going the traditional route. It is not working.
Whatever the message is in this book, that’s what you capitalize on.
I am also wondering if you couldn’t have a more exciting title. I don’t know what a “rad” decision is? Rad = radiation?
I am also assuming you found out the names of the editors of The Hunt for Red October and Jurassic Park, and then made contact with them? Yes? If not, don’t. Not until you rework your approach.
Lynne AKA Wicked Witch!
March 31st, 2006 at 12:45 am
Hi Lynne,
Thanks so much for such a prompt and thoughtful response.
Regarding the title - I’m open to anything. Also, I did contact every editor and publisher who’d ever had anything remotely to do with techno-thrillers or nuclear power books. (I even used beige paper, come to think of it.) As noted, my approaches failed, so you’re right that I need a different angle.
Your proposal for finding a “sponsor” makes sense, except I’m afraid it won’t work in my particular case for a number of reasons - but chiefly because issue-oriented groups prefer books that lean heavily to their side. My book doesn’t - my truthful, inside “message” about energy and nuclear power is that all energy sources have problems, and the decision is which problems we’ll be willing to put up with. My conclusions are too gray for fund-raisers and contributors. I have looked into some “think-tank” organizations that don’t take a hard line on my particular subject (The Sloan Foundation, etc.), but they don’t do fiction. Oh well……
Thanks again for taking the time to respond. I’m very surprised you weren’t flooded with prospective query letters to critique - it was very nice of you to even offer to do that.
Jim
March 31st, 2006 at 6:56 am
Lynne,
The posting looks great, and thanks for “making an example out of me!” The only thing I would add is that I have always sent out every query to a specific agent, never to “Dear Agent,” and I have still been rejected 20 times. I think the key things are A) to have a great letter (which I now do, thanks to your wise tutelage), B) send it out to very well-chosen agents/editors who have an interest in your genre, and C) keep on sending it until you get representation.
I will be sure to let you know when I finally get that bite. (Can you send flowers to an email address??)
March 31st, 2006 at 11:54 am
Any writer who’s bumbled into this blog and NOT recycled his or her collection of Writer’s Digest books and clips is prime for a cerebellum transplant.
March 31st, 2006 at 3:24 pm
With a commitment of 2000 pre-sold copies, you can walk into any publishing company or knock on any agent’s door and they will slap a contract on the desk and hand you a cheap Bic pen.
If you’ve got an order for 2000 copies of your book combined with an ability to obtain media interviews and news program recommendations, set up book signings and reach the final stages in competitions, you don’t need an agent. You can deal directly. There is nothing I can see that an agent can add, unless it is advising you on selling rights which can be obtained from a lawyer and which people will want to buy anyway as the interest in your book builds.
A good agent, if you get one, will earn their fee by actively developing this interest on your behalf.
Note from the Wicked Witch of Publishing: Per Noel Guiane’s email to me, he is the Managing Director of Blood & Treasure, Ltd. in London. B&T appears to be the publisher of a book called Institutionalized by Fred Smith and Joe Schmoe. Really!? Hah! This is a very sophisticated looking blog. Note the caricatures on the r-h sidebar under Blogrolls. Clever and very different.
March 31st, 2006 at 5:22 pm
To James Aach:
The Sloan Foundation has been giving grants to screenplays, of all things, about the lives of scientists. Each year they’ve announced the grant winners at the Tribeca film festival. So, evidently they’ve crossed the line from nonfiction to fiction.
Also. what about Amory Lovins’ Rocky Mountain whatchamacallit energy group? Mightn’t they be receptive to your book?
March 31st, 2006 at 7:26 pm
I appreciate the above info being passed along. I recall when the Sloan foundation began their screenplay thing I looked into it, and it didn’t seem to fit. Perhaps I should look again. The Rocky Mountain Institute has a very firm anti-nuclear stance, so they wouldn’t care for my book. But a good question to ask. Thanks.
April 1st, 2006 at 11:37 am
Hi, Lynne:
Thank you so much for all the suggestions at Grumpy Old Bookman on March 30th, and for taking an interest in [Intoxicated’s] curious progress. All your ideas for focussing on the Yorkshire angle are brilliant. It would have been great to do that kind of marketing for the UK edition, but it seems less likely now that there’ll be one. The publishers are indeed trying, but Nielsen doesn’t lie, and the numbers really were bad.
The good news is that a US paperback is being issued, with a whole new cover design. Don’t ask me how THAT was justified to Accounts… Nevertheless, I can use some of those ideas of yours for the US paperback.
Anyway, I’m immersed in non-fiction for a while now.
Best,
John
Note from the Wicked Witch of Pubishing: John has written three books: Intoxicated (pub date March 2006!), Los Ratones and Eating Mammals (won The Paris Review Discovery Prize in 2002). Born in England. Living in Spain. Grumpy Old Bookman reviewed John’s book and a number of fellow bloggers responded. Take a look. By the way, I love being thought of as brilliant!
April 1st, 2006 at 12:01 pm
John, I refuse to accept that a book published in March 2006 to the kind of reviews you got should be considered a failure by April 2006 because no one is buying Intoxicated. I still think the market has not been targeted–people from or living in Yorkshire.
Quoting your comment in Grumpy Old Bookman: “The week prior to publication we had two syndicated radio interviews coming up, reviews slated for Atlantic Monthly and for the biggest advertising trade magazine in the US (the novel touches on advertising); all the big newspaper book editors had the novel. Three of the ‘big four’ trade reviews had been good; Mathew Pearl (The Dante Club) had offered an amazing blurb for the cover (on the strength of which the rights were sold in Russia); the novel had got a Booksense notable pick. The only negative point was a bad line (a killer line) in a trade review. Unfortunately, it was Publishers Weekly.
The Washington Post ran an early review, which was stunningly good. But then no one else ran anything. It might have been PW, or not. The radio interviews were cancelled, the Atlantic review was pulled; ditto the magazine. Not a single piece of press of any sort, in any media, was generated for the book from then on.”
I’d be tempted to capitalize on the PW negative review, if that’s what it was. I’d change my press release headline to read: ”PW Hates Intoxicated!” Then I would mention all the positive reviews. I’d give Publishers Weekly a punch in the nose. What did the review say? How bad could it have been? Tell us!
April 1st, 2006 at 1:26 pm
Since you asked…
Publishers Weekly said, after a summary of the plot: “…the Brookeses [main characters] prove engaging but not remarkable, and Rodrigo is colorful but hardly unforgettable. What is remarkable is Barlow’s attention to period detail, a potent Victorian cocktail of repressed sexuality and simmering violence, but the secret formula that would make it work is missing.”
Other big reviews said…
Washington Post
…as surprising, funny and satisfying as a good belch. The British writer is something of a master at concocting what could be called “sentimental grotesques,” and Intoxicated , a novel about the development of an improbable soft drink made from rhubarb, delivers a strange but irresistible mix of flavors….. Intoxicated delivers the goods. It’s the real thing.
Booksense (March ’06 notable)
Take a pinch of T.C. Boyle and of E.L. Doctorow, add some molasses and secret ingredients, and a flare for period dialogue, and you’ve got a great new novel.
Kirkus
Like T.C. Boyle, to whom he has been appropriately compared, Barlow paints personalities in broad strokes and doesn’t shun melodrama…. Despite his novels’ excesses, the author conveys genuine affection for his grotesque characters and situates Rhubarilla’s creation within the shrewdly observed context of Victorian society, culture and business. (Barlow sketches with equal authority a music-hall performance, the workings of the temperance movement and the tentative early stirrings of modern advertising.)…. Barlow’s lively imagination will carry along those who appreciate risk-taking fiction.
Booklist
Victorian England will never be the same again. A whimsical, farcical novel that weaves together the most unlikely people and situations, making for a madcap read.
Library Journal
…in the style of Gregory Maguire’s fairy tale reworkings (e.g., Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister), this fizzy literary concoction will intoxicate readers who love irreverent humor.
April 1st, 2006 at 6:40 pm
Those reviews are a bit stunning.
What does the book jacket look like? Are the rave reviews on it? Are they in the press release?
Did anyone do a targeted email campaign that included a px of your book jacket and some fragments from these comments to generate new interest?
I would definitely do an end run around PW’s comment by ignoring it. I just find it hard to believe that PW could crush your book so thoroughly when you’ve gotten such excellent reviews that you could use.
Has anyone else got an opinion out there?
April 3rd, 2006 at 11:23 pm
So I dabbled a bit and, in my ignorance, have roamed around PW. I wake up at night recalling your phrase “everyone fears PW,” yet find myself wondering why. But they are ‘The P-W,’ I suppose. They fawn over Oprah, who gave William Faulkner his start in literature. Also, no doubt, PW can take credit for making years-long best sellers of tripe like “Walter the Farting Dog” (’Their simple strategy just keep saying “fart” should have children rolling in the aisles during read-aloud’). The punctuation error is theirs, I might add.
Granted, I recognize elitists but don’t have to appreciate them. I agree with your advice to Mr. Barlow to ignore the slight and move ahead. My guess is the reading public doesn’t fear–or care a whit–about PW or their royal pronouncements nearly as much as writers, publishers and, unfortunately for Mr. Barlow, the faint-hearted press.